1984 Called, They Want Us to Stop Ripping Them Off
Among the things we did better in 1984 than now — aside from presidential elections — is apparently nail polish. Remember this?
Yeah…the original Tinkerbell peel off nail polish. I got some from my grandparents when I was 10, and promptly applied it and peeled it to my heart’s delight. My mother was horrified, but just putting on the polish was NOT enough for my little OCD self. It was peeling the bubble-gum scented shavings off that really appealed to me.
So imagine my delight when Sally Hansen invented nail polish stickers! Ok, I admit that most of the appeal was being able to put on nail polish in bed. I like doing everything in bed. I’m the living embodiment of that old game where you add “in bed” to the end of your fortune cookie fortunes and it makes them THAT MUCH BETTER. If I were one of those old time monarchs, I would have done all my ruling from my bed. I don’t even mind hand sewing because I do it…in bed. You get the point.
So I got my hot little hands on some Sally Hansen Salon Effects Nail Polish…thingies…and tried them out.
The results were way less satisfactory than Tinkerbell nail polish. Even after following the instructions, I couldn’t get the sheets to adhere to my nails. I suppose it’s possible that I have strangely oily nails, but that doesn’t seem very likely. The nail “polish” also highlighted all the vertical ridges in my nails — I mean, I had no idea that my nails had more ridges than the Rockies, they seem perfectly smooth to me. And trying to trim off the excess at the nail tip? AHAHA, what a joke. I ended up bending the sheet tip until the excess broke off, then trying to scrape the corners off with the included nail file. That worked about as well as you’d expect.
And when I wanted to remove them? The instructions say they remove easily with nail polish remover. Only the first part of that sentence is correct — they remove easily. I just peeled the damn things off. Too bad, because I hate painting my nails and I like the idea of having fancy nails without a lot of work.
However, if this is the best Sally Hansen can do, I’ll take my Tinkerbell.