1984 Called, They Want Us to Stop Ripping Them Off

Among the things we did better in 1984 than now — aside from presidential elections — is apparently nail polish. Remember this?

Yeah…the original Tinkerbell peel off nail polish. I got some from my grandparents when I was 10, and promptly applied it and peeled it to my heart’s delight. My mother was horrified, but just putting on the polish was NOT enough for my little OCD self. It was peeling the bubble-gum scented shavings off that really appealed to me.

So imagine my delight when Sally Hansen invented nail polish stickers! Ok, I admit that most of the appeal was being able to put on nail polish in bed. I like doing everything in bed. I’m the living embodiment of that old game where you add “in bed” to the end of your fortune cookie fortunes and it makes them THAT MUCH BETTER. If I were one of those old time monarchs, I would have done all my ruling from my bed. I don’t even mind hand sewing because I do it…in bed. You get the point.

So I got my hot little hands on some Sally Hansen Salon Effects Nail Polish…thingies…and tried them out.

In bed. Because, obviously.

The results were way less satisfactory than Tinkerbell nail polish. Even after following the instructions, I couldn’t get the sheets to adhere to my nails. I suppose it’s possible that I have strangely oily nails, but that doesn’t seem very likely. The nail “polish” also highlighted all the vertical ridges in my nails — I mean, I had no idea that my nails had more ridges than the Rockies, they seem perfectly smooth to me. And trying to trim off the excess at the nail tip? AHAHA, what a joke. I ended up bending the sheet tip until the excess broke off, then trying to scrape the corners off with the included nail file. That worked about as well as you’d expect.

This is ridiculous.

And when I wanted to remove them? The instructions say they remove easily with nail polish remover. Only the first part of that sentence is correct — they remove easily. I just peeled the damn things off. Too bad, because I hate painting my nails and I like the idea of having fancy nails without a lot of work.

However, if this is the best Sally Hansen can do, I’ll take my Tinkerbell.

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Posted on March 1, 2012, in my weird sense of humor. Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. a) My mom absolutely forbade all the Tinkerbell products when I was a kid. Something about feminism & not kow-towing to mainstream beauty ideals. My mom was a hippie (but I love her to bits 😉

    Also, I secretly played w/Tinkerbell stuff at school, including nail polish (not the peel stuff), & then freaked out about how to get the polish off!

    b) I’ve had great luck w/the Sally Hansen nail applique things. Omg, ones w/writing?!?! Gotta find those ones!!!

    • I think you might have been the reason I bought them in the first place! The ones you got looked SO good in pictures. Maybe these are just not as good. My local Target has an entire row of the nail strips in different designs….most of them pretty cool.

  2. Where was I when Tinkerbell nail polish came out? because I have absolutely no memory of it. I loved the idea of nail polish and makeup and all that but my mum wouldn’t allow any either. Sigh.

    The thing I do now is live life with my hands. So, they are always in need of moisturiser (I mean badly in need) and a nail file. So, I rarely use nail polish and you know what? When I do put it on I often do that in bed. Yep, risky but oh so comfy.

    • I’m always knocking around with my hands too, and properly applied nail polish chips like the dickens. If I could apply it in bed, that would make life easier but I spill things. A lot. And the only thing I hate more than cleaning up a spill is changing the sheets….

  3. I don’t think my peel-off nailpolish was Tinkerbell brand (my mom was not too into theme products, or maybe I just wasn’t.), but I was sure enamored of it. Until most of the bottle spilled onto my Rainbow Bright stuffed Starlight horse. To my dismay (and despite my assurances to rather unhappy mother), it did not peel right off a stuffed horse’s yarn tail. Oops.

    What a shame about those stickers—the look would be great if they just, y’know, didn’t look like crap. I’ve been tempted to check out nail shellaque… I used to do bright red manicures all the time when I was a teenager, but I no longer have the time/motivation to re-do them every two days as I chip stuff. 😛

    • I’ve heard of nail shellac, but I have not been impressed with the professional manicures that I’ve gotten so something I have to make an appointment for and go to a salon? Not gonna happen. I mean, it’s hard enough for me to get in for a hair appointment.

      My grandparents bought me the nail polish; I’m pretty sure my mother had no idea it existed up til then and would not have bought it if she had. 😀

  4. I don’t think I owned anything Tinkerbell, but I do remember it longingly…

    That does look pretty sad. The concept gets a shiny gold star but that’s an execution failure. I very rarely paint my nails, the small chips irritate me quickly and I can’t be bothered with maintenance.

  5. I have no memory of this Tinkerbell you speak of!! Where was I? I feel like we are about the same age, so how did I miss this?

    Yeah, that Sally Hansen stuff looks way too complicated, and that is just not a good finished look. I find that Sally Hansen tries really hard to make good and interesting products, but usually fails miserably.

    I am also a non-nail painter. Don’t get me wrong, you have seen my toes . . . I am all about the pedi, but I can’t stand having my fingernails done. I can’t stand the chipping and I wash my hands CONSTANTLY since I work in the city and am always touching things. That sounds weird, but you know, files/doors/hands/pens. Things that lots of other people touch. And I don’t even want to think about where their hands have been. Shudder.

    Anyway . . . tangent much? I like the design and it would be awesome if it worked. In concept, good. In reality, fail.

    • Yeah, we are almost the same age, aren’t we? I think I only knew about the Tinkerbell because it was a gift from my grandparents. Who probably saw it on an end cap display at the drugstore and bought it ’cause it was cute.

      I am also better with pedis than manis, but I can’t paint nails to save my life. I usually do a redneck pedicure.

      Instructions for a Redneck Pedicure:

      !) Sit down in front of the TV, three hours before leaving for event. Watch something ridiculous (Cry Baby is good). Paint nails, covering nail thoroughly. Don’t worry about glopping polish onto the sides. Let dry.

      2) Take a nice hot bath. Examine your toes while soaking. Scrape at the worst of the nail polish glops with your fingernail. Finish soaking, use towel to dry and exfoliate your toes thoroughly.

      Presto! You got a sho-nuff good-lookin’ Redneck Pedicure!

  6. I missed out on the Tinkerbell, but I have used the sticker things. Not the Sally Hansen ones, but the cheap $3 or $5 knockoffs. There are some tricks, if you ever try it again. (I like doing things in bed, too, and after really messing up my first attempt, well, I had bought like five sets of sticker things since I’d found them so cheap, so…. I’ve had some practice.) First, use a smaller size than you’ll think you’ll need, then it won’t edge over your cuticles. Then trim off the excess with cuticle scissors, and then use that otherwise worthless file just to smooth the edges. If you do put a layer of clear polish over the top, it looks prettier and stays nice longer and camoflauges any ridges, but half the time, I can’t be bothered.

    I wondered if it would be worthwhile to try one of the cool Sally Hansen prints for a wedding I’m flying to, but I think I’ll stick with my cheapies. Apparently, they’re nicer anyway.

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