Let Me Entertain You…With Delusions of Importance
By now, everybody knows I’m heading to North California tomorrow, right? I won’t be taking my computer to Monterey with me. As much as I love my computer (and my blog), I just transferred to a big, 17 inch laptop and it’s awkward to carry — doesn’t fit into any of my current padded cases. Plus, this is supposed to be a vacation and I should probably pay attention to the person I actually married, just in case he decides to stick around. I did buy a new coat for the blustery weather:
It passed my coat test with flying colors. The coat test is very simple; first, put on the coat. Walk around the store with it. Forget you have it on and almost leave your other coat in the fitting room. If a coat passes the test and doesn’t make you look like a marshmallow, BUY IT.
Coat buying advice aside, I’ve convinced myself that y’all are going to be bereft without me. I don’t get back until Tuesday. So I came up with some things for you to do in my absence:
1) www.converse.com — They have a “Create” feature where you can create your own shoes. GO WILD! You can even get shoes with two sides in different colors. Come up with themes. Go Mardi Gras. Celebrate McDonalds, or the Mighty Ducks. I don’t know, whatever floats your boat.
2) Head on over to OUR LIFE IN 3D and come up with your very own Blues Name! Mine would be Fat Hips Dupree.
3) If you’ve lost control of all but one of your digits and are incapable of doing more than pressing a button over and over, allow me to recommend to you the Harlequin Title Generator, actually called the Random Romance Novel Title Generator but the titles are total Harlequin rip offs. Also really funny, if your sense of humor inclines that way.
4) If you’d prefer smart commentary on romance novels, I strongly suggest Smart Bitches, Trashy Books. If you need a laugh, read some of their “worst” reviews. They are so funny, I promise you will pee your pants. Wear Depends.
5) If you like commentary on books, but eschew romance novels for rather more highbrow fare, I recommend the Bookslut blog. I’m not the sort of person who reads a lot of “modern lit” but Jessa Crispin’s trenchant commentary makes me wish I was.
6) For those of you who sew, a game — Apocalyptic Patterns! Ok, this is my game so I need to explain how it works. Basically, the Apocalypse has happened but lucky you — you still have fabric and electricity! Just no way to get to the mall. You’re going to have to sew all of your own clothes, but you can only have one pattern (or two, or five — it’s up to you to set that parameter). I confine myself to the Big Six patterns (here and here) for the purpose of this exercise. Be sure to consider things like outerwear and underwear. In a good season, I can get it down to two patterns.
7) Last but not least, I was startled this morning to find Newt Gingrich in my pantry. After I took a step back and a deep breath, I realized it was the Quaker Oats guy. So if you are not from the United States, be very glad you’re not in an election cycle. Or if you are, that you’re not in an election cycle with the Quaker Oats guy.
And just so you don’t miss Friday Headbanging:
Ok, I think that covers it. Stay safe, keep dry and don’t accept laxatives from strangers.