I Only Make Resolutions I Can Keep
Which means, some years, I don’t make any resolutions at all. Other years, like this one, I have a whole bunch of good ideas that are totally going to make my life better. As soon as I get around to them.
1) I resolve to stop buying juice boxes. They’re bad for the environment, wasteful, and my family is slightly more fickle with juice than Elizabeth Taylor was with her husbands. They like lemonade, but only certain brands of lemonade, until they hate lemonade and prefer strawberry kiwi abomination…which I buy on sale in bucket loads, just in time to discover they’ve gone off strawberry kiwi and are on to something else altogether. NO MORE. Y’all are getting water and liking it.
2) I resolve to throw away socks and underwear when they start bugging me, instead of putting them in the wash and hoping things will improve. It’s detergent, honey, not a miracle worker. It will not make underwear elastic snug or prevent socks from falling down. Into the trash with them. Which leads me to….
3) I resolve to be smarter about the old clothes I keep. I will not keep a large pile of “painting clothes” because let’s face it, the chance of me painting anything messier than a t-shirt stencil is somewhere between slim and very, very slim. I will not keep clothes in case the economy collapses because you can neither eat clothing nor burn it for fuel. When I buy an item to replace a garment or object, I WILL GET RID OF THE ORIGINAL. Redundancy is neither useful nor necessary.
4) I resolve to cut up, use, and repurpose my old clothes without guilt. A lot of the clothing I’ve donated to charity this year has unfortunately been in poor condition, and I only donated it because I felt bad about throwing stuff out. Let’s face it. Nobody, however deprived, wants my garbage — most people have enough of their own.
5) I resolve to only buy lipstick, nail polish or perfumes that have ridiculous or naughty names. Mostly because it’s fun, when someone asks you what you’re wearing, to say “Bordello!” and saunter off with a grin.
6) I resolve to stop watching marathons of TV shows when I’ve seen all the episodes before. Exceptions for Firefly, the entire Star Trek franchise, Doctor Who or when I’m sick.
7) I resolve to stop lying [quite as much] about doing math enrichment with Youngest and find an alternative to flash cards, which we have both grown to heartily loathe.
8) I resolve to start throwing around a few British terms. Sometimes you really, desperately need to call a guy a wanker and there is no American equivalent. I am also an unabashed fan of the expression, “well done [you, me, name]” which can be used in praise, in condemnation, or even more delightfully, in sarcasm.
9) I resolve to challenge myself with new projects and push my sewing to the next level. There will be blood. Probably mine, if this past year is anything to go by.
10) I resolve not to make a tenth resolution just because I like nice, round numbers.
There ya go. Resolutions I kinda, sorta think I can keep. Mostly. For a while, anyway.