(Don’t) Walk This Way

As of this week, I’ve started running again.

This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. No, wait. That’s the creation of the universe as explained by Douglas Adams. Frankly, me running could also be regarded as a bad move. I have shin splints, knock knees and a tilted pelvis. My feet are prone to stress fractures. Somewhere out there is a running manual with a drawing of my anatomy and a note saying, “DO NOT DO THIS.”

I keep coming back to running, though, for a few reasons:

1) It’s the only exercise I’ve found that actually engages all of my leg muscles. I’ve tried biking, stair master, elliptical trainer, and I was a swimmer for years. Ten minutes of running beats 45 minutes of anything else. Every time I start running again, no matter how good of shape I may be in, I can feel it in my muscles.

2) It’s the only exercise that doesn’t bore the everlovin’ sh*t outta me. Put me on a machine for more than five minutes, and I’m desperately begging magazines off innocent bystanders or trying to read someone else’s Kindle from the side (note that this is not actually possible, but it doesn’t stop me from trying). Running — even on a treadmill — feels liberating.

3) If the zombie apocalypse comes sooner rather than later, I’m going to feel really silly for being too slow to outrun a zombie.

So, I’m back to running….slowly. Building up my endurance and trying not to completely wreck myself in the process. All of which means, this week, I’m walking kind of funny. Parts of my lower half are very unhappy with me. If you remember the old Animaniacs cartoons, they had an ongoing joke where someone would say, “Walk this way,” and Yakko, Wakko and Dot would promptly follow them while mimicking their walk exactly. I spent a lot of time on Youtube trying to find a clip of that, with no success. I did find THIS:

I may be walking funny, but I’ve got nothing on Monty Python.

Posted on November 3, 2011, in my weird sense of humor. Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Running rocks! I was training for a half-marathon over the summer (and had to stop, I’ll save you the sob story), but I was shocked at how much I loved it.

    It’s awesome. And it did great things for my body. Healthwise, who knows–but I definitely look better naked, which is what really counts, am I right? Whose with me?

    Anyway–be careful. Add mileage very very slowly. Don’t overdo it. Your physical issues sound like nothing to be taken lightly.

    And now I’ll spend two minutes on an exercise soap box–I suggest you do 15 minutes of pilates a few times a week. It won’t do dick for your shin splints, but it could help strengthen your back and core so as to help your body deal with stress on your pelvis and other parts.

    Jumping down off of exercise soap box now. Kind of a springy, athletic hop because of the pilates and running.

    • Ooh, I used to do Pilates and loved it. It was only the floor exercises, but they made me so much more flexible. I can’t remember why I stopped — because I got bored, maybe? Guess I’ll break out the books this weekend.

      I definitely look better naked when running, but I’m going to be taking it VERY slowly this time around.

  2. Did you see Miss Celie’s Pants today? http://missceliespants.com/2011/11/04/running-boy-shorts/ That picture is me running. Although I feel like the bottom picture when I’m running, so I’m quite sure I also look like it.

    I ran for a summer training for an exceptionally short triathalon. My legs aren’t overly keen on running either. I went to my doctor because my knees hurt and his comment was “If I told you to stop running, would you?” and I said not until after the triathalon. When I was running regularly, I liked it, but I also like swimming when I’m doing it. The problem is leaving the house to do it.

    Oh how I love Monty Python.

    • Ha, I’m not the world’s most graceful runner either but my form is okay. Although I’d think twice before wearing running shorts that short (or that tight — when I was in cross-country, *mumble* years ago, we ran in soccer shorts).

      I’m with you, the difficulty in exercise is doing it regularly enough that it’s not horrendously painful. After 12 years as a competitive swimmer, I can’t make myself get into the pool anymore. I like to tell people that I’m already over my lifetime quota of cold, wet and hungry.

  3. LMAO! Just take care of those knees and ankles and all. I’m going to assume you already have the best ridiculously-advanced runners money can buy.

    I find when running my lungs give out long before I get a burn going anywhere else. I don’t mind a five minute jog for a warmup, but more than that kills me. This probably says more about my (lack of) cariovascular fitness than anything else. Gimme an elliptical and a book any day.

    I do wish I liked swimming more…

    • The elliptical and book are awesome, but I don’t break a sweat doing it so I suspect it’s not as good for me, cardiovascularly speaking.

      Swimming is good full-body exercise, but it tends to fuel appetite in a way that most other exercises don’t so you might get fit, but then you’ll want to eat a house. Trust me, I know this.

  4. #3 is the probably the most important reason.

    I just recently started running for reason #3. Hopefully zombie can’t run more than a mile and a half because that’s my limit.

  5. I just can’t run. Can’t do it. I’m like the anti-Nike commercial. I just feel like I can’t breath. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I am so out of shape and my cardiovascular system is for shit, but even when I was younger and in much better shape, I couldn’t do it. I find it boring as well. I like the eliptical and bike.

    I so wish you had found a clip of the animaniacs doing “walk this way.” I miss them. 😦 Monty is always good as a second choice, of course.

    Good luck with the running. If that works for you, then do it, but take it easy, obviously.

    • I have Seasons 1 and 2 of Animaniacs on DVD — need to get season 3! The kids don’t find them quite as funny as I do, but I think they just don’t get all the references.

      There’s a big difference between running indoors and outdoors, as far as cardiovascular impact. Running outside is really difficult from a lung perspective, but indoors on a treadmill (at a slow jog), it’s not that different from using the elliptical or the Stairmaster. Although if you hate it that much, feel free not to do it!

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