Dear Diary, This Week I was Delusional and My Sister was Crazy…

Just kidding. I don’t have a sister. Although I’ve been having an exceptionally stupid week — even for me.

On Tuesday I took the car in, since the “Check Engine” light was on and I tend to be paranoid. The mechanic took one minute to diagnose the car with gas-cap-left-off. I guess I should just be glad it wasn’t something expensive and they didn’t charge me for it. Then I left my water bottle behind in my haste to escape my humiliation, and the guy had to run after me. My mechanic probably thinks I’m an idiot. AWESOME.

Between Tuesday and Wednesday, I managed to offend three people by accident. Usually I offend people on purpose, but in this case it was totally open mouth, insert foot. I suck. Fortunately, they’re all still talking to me so I did apologize, profusely. I’m really sorry, guys, ok? I have the IQ of dirt right now.

On Wednesday, I got a brilliant idea for a Halloween costume and ran around trying to put it together. Realized at the end of the day that I’d spent over $75, half the stuff didn’t fit, and I didn’t even have a place to wear a Halloween costume. We don’t do parties and the adults don’t dress up for trick-or-treat in my neighborhood. Now I have to run around returning several things. If I have to dress up, screw it, I’m going as a zombie. Face makeup + torn clothes = free.

Last night, I got into an argument with Oldest about how to label the small child at the Halloween event he was assisting with (we’ll leave the whole issue with labeling people for another day). Said child appeared perturbed by the costumes and kept following Oldest around and hitting him with a bag of candy. I insisted that the little boy was mentally challenged and Oldest insisted, “No, he needs THERAPY or something!” Apparently, my kids aren’t really clear on the difference between mentally challenged and mentally ill. I would have explained it to him, but I was feeling mentally challenged. I actually just got clarity on that conversation now by typing it out.

I finally got around to cutting something out today — a McCall’s skirt.  I’m in between 12 and 14 and I only had the 4-12 size so I cut out the 12.  I’m hoping I can let out the side seams a tiny bit and still make it work, but it may all end in tears.  Here’s where I am so far:

Back of the skirt draped on my ironing board.

Thinking I can fit into a straight size 12 might be yet another delusion, but WHATEVER.  I have to go with the vision the sewing mojo conks me in the head with, and this was the vision for the week.

Maybe what I really need is to be kidnapped by hill folk.

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Posted on October 27, 2011, in my weird sense of humor, sewing. Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.

  1. Ummm… I think I AM hillfolk… where’d you wanna go?

  2. Oh, dear! We have the kids’ Hallowe’en dance tonight and I’m seriously considering going as “50s housewife zombie”—I’m not quite sure “50s housewife” counts as a costume, but it would be so fun to wear my new crinoline. And let’s face it, I’m going to be lucky to get the kids’ costumes all finished. I’ve been trying to convince my husband to go as the Dread Pirate Roberts (wearing the shirt I made him recently) but he’s been feeling ill most of the week so I suspect I’m going to be going it alone.

    I think you should definitely be able to make that skirt work— with that many gores you can EASILY get an extra inch or three just by letting out each seam a tiny bit. And as usual your fabric is awesome. Now I want a camo gored skirt. /sigh.

    • Take your inspiration from Fido for zombie/50’s look. Great movie, the one and only time I’ve seen something at TIFF. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0457572/

      And I agree, you can make the skirt work. With all those gores you should be able to add a little where you need it (if you need it). It’s not like a fitted top where there are bust/arm/shoulder craziness going on.

    • I find camo fabric all over the place, but that might just be because I live in a military town. Check tents, sporting equipment and the men’s department at the thrift store. Even our fabric chains tend to carry camo in various weights and fabrics (including knits).

      I could let the gores out, but the pattern calls for topstitching the gores then adding a yoke at the top so that might be problematic. I think I’m better off fitting at the sides, so far the front and back are done and seem like they will fit but I plan to pin-fit first.

  3. I’ve been having an off week as well, so I feel your pain, at least somewhat. Found out from the hubs last night that since I reprimanded my oldest for being rude to the au pair, he then went into his room and started banging his head against the wall and has a big red welt in the middle of his forehead. The hubs had to run in and stop him from continuing to hurt himself. So now I feel like an excellent fucking mother!! Sorry, didn’t mean to unload all over your post, but once I said I’d had a bad week, I figured I should give an example and that’s the worst of it. Everything is fine and he’s fine. He’s normally very even tempered but he is having some issues on figuring out how to vent his frustrations with discipline. We are working on it. But yeah, like I said. Me = feeling your pain. Let’s hope everyone’s week gets better starting now, ok?

    The skirt is adorable, by the way. Will look awesome with the new boots!!

    • Thanks! I did have the boots in mind when I started working on this.

      Kids have a knack for pushing all our buttons, don’t they? I was a headbanger too as a preteen, and grew out of it….dunno if that makes you feel better, knowing me, ha. Every single one of my kids has done something that made me wonder if I was raising a future serial killer, but so far they all seem boringly normal so it’s probably just par for the course.

  4. I’m wonderingif the three people you offended were in separate incidents, or one multi-person train wreck. I’m hoping for the latter.

    And…what was the costume going to be? Please don’t say a naughty nurse. I’m all sexed out with the sea of consistently skanky costumes.

    • The multi-person train wreck would be AWESOME, but sadly I am not that offensive. It was three separate people, three separate occasions of me being stupid. Problem is, I’m usually being stupid because I think it’s funny and I have to be reminded that not everyone shares my sense of humor.

      I would never be a naughty nurse. I’m too old to be a naughty anything, and too lazy to dress up in something uncomfortable. I was going to be Ramona Flowers from Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. I still think that would be an awesome costume, but I need more time to decide whether I would do the outfit from the comic books or from the movie, whether I wanted to color my hair or wear a wig, and where in the heck am I going to wear this anyway??

  5. my ‘check engine’ light has been on for months. Diagnosed as ‘gas cap’ issue, also. I’ve tried 5 (count ’em) 5 gas caps. Light is still on – SO annoying! (Although it went off for 2 days last week. I was ecstatic, but it didn’t last.)

    That skirt looks like it will be cute.

    • It’s probably a sensor issue, then. A lot of times the sensors just get fried or go wonky, and you should be able to get a mechanic to fix that. On the other hand, Hubs said they can be pricey to fix so….YMMV.

  6. yep – thanks. My brother also suggested it might be a sensor. Now I just have to find a mechanic that does that kind of work and is honest. So much fun! 🙂

  7. I don’t think that kids really need to learn the difference between mentally challenged and mentally ill at an early age, since most people have enough mental issues to qualify them as one or the other, at least periodically.

    Case in point: A seven year old kid bit me in the arm on Saturday for taking away a wooden sword he was using to deface the side of my house with. He was a guest at the party. So he bit me.

    He does these things all the time. Is he challenged or ill or just a shithead?

    I like the skirt. I hope it works out.

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