I’m Never Buying You Playgirl Again
I’m sick. I think it’s a common garden variety cold, but I forgot how debilitating they can be. It started with a sinus headache, turned into nasal drip and now it’s moving into my throat. I’ve also developed a pain and weakness in my biceps. I suppose I could try sewing but I feel like a Tyrannosaurus Rex, with the little, useless arms. That was probably why they were so cranky all the time, because they had weak arms and couldn’t sew.
It reminds me of the first time I got really sick away from home, as a freshman in college. I don’t remember what I had — Death Flu — but it was bad enough to derail my weekend plans with my boyfriend. I called him and asked him to pick me up some medicine, and a can of soup. He came over, recoiled from my sickly physique, frantically checked out HIS throat in the mirror (um, he had issues) and then handed me a brown paper bag.
I opened the paper bag and pulled out the medicine, the can of soup, and….a copy of Playgirl. Boyfriend immediately launched into an impassioned description of getting the side-eye from the convenience store clerk as he checked out with the Playgirl and finished with a dramatic, “Don’t ever ask me to do that for you again!”
I responded in feverish confusion, “But….I didn’t ask you to do that in the first place.”
Luckily for all of us, the Internet was invented and nobody has to have these awkward moments anymore. Especially when they feel like a sick Tyrannosaurus Rex.