Top Ten Signs You Should Have Turned Off Your Alarm And Gone Back To Sleep This Morning
10. You put your workout shorts on backwards, then briefly consider wearing them that way.
9. You have to hold onto the treadmill at the gym, not because you’re doing anything particularly intense but because remaining upright is a struggle.
8. You call one of your children “sir” because this seems like a reasonable alternative to his name, which you’ve forgotten.
7. You spend the ride to school arguing with a couple of middle schoolers about the difference between a “fail” and an “epic fail.”
6. You attempt to pet Evil Cat and she attempts to eat your hand. This is pretty much her standard modus operandi. You, however, are surprised and lather, rinse, repeat.
5. You spend $60 at Target and realize when walking out that you’ve forgotten what you were there for….a hairbrush.
4. You successfully resist the temptation of a latte, only to succumb to a piece of red velvet cake later. You don’t like red velvet cake.
3. You are delighted to find a copy of the newest book in a favorite mystery series. On sale. So you buy it, only to discover halfway through that it’s an older book. That you’ve read before. Which you go ahead and finish because you can’t remember how it ended.
2. The school is doing a fundraising sale, and you are calloused enough to fill out mailing cards for all your friends and relatives because you no longer care if anyone still talks to you.
1. You take a bath before bed because it’s the easiest way to wash both your ass and your face.
God, I’m sleeping in tomorrow.